I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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