Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
