I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
