i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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