ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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