we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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