I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
