i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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