I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
