He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
