you guys were way drunker than both of me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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