i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
