My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
