How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
