There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think my mom watched the whole time
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
