he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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