She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
