I just pynch a tree in the face
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
