you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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