I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
