Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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