hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
