Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
