I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
