Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
