It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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