You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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