I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
