Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
