Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
