if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
