I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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