your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
