I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
