Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
