im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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