i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
