i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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