If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
