Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
