So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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