So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
