my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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