i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
