apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
