You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
