i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
