my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
