The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
