Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
